i survived 2012


Hurray friends! We’ve made it through another year. Although there were a select few of you that may have wondered if we would survive a mere 11 days ago (depending when you read this, that’s supposed to be December 21, 2012). I meant to check the groceries stores that day to see if bottled water and canned soup cleared the shelves, but there was no need seeing that nothing spectacular happened. Well, a fuse in my car blew, but that’s about it.

Aside from that, the past few months had been on the hectic side for me. Sure, it’s normally busy between Thanksgiving and New Years, but when you’re working two or more jobs, it’s overly busy. In fact, “busy” might be an understatement. And sadly, all the work I’ve been doing isn’t all related to my passions because sadly, my passions aren’t paying me monetarily… yet.

Long story short, I had been working overnights at a toy store, and then picked up a part time position stocking moulding at a home improvement store. The good thing about these jobs is it gets me out and about and around people. Oh yeah, and a reliable paycheck. I need a physically active job since I can’t get to the gym right now. But since the toy store gig was a seasonal thing, I’ve since gotten some of my time back, so I’m desperately trying to make up for it getting back to what I love to do.

I’ve said it before: my drug of choice is a good tangible project, I get high off of accomplishments that I can show and share vs putting in hours at an office processing files no one will ever see or understand except for others that work there. I feel like that should be my personal mission statement.

With all that said, I’m completing editing projects as I type (I have to do something why a file renders). And soon I will finally get back in front of the camera to rant and rave about whatever random topic I find amusing. I know you guys miss those even if you don’t actually tell me.

The past couple months I’ve felt like I lost sight on my passions and what I wanted to do with my life, while others around me seemed to have figured it out already. Even when I explain to new friends I meet what it is I do in my spare time, they make me seem like I’ve got it altogether too. Funny how we are all seeming and unknowingly fooling each other. Lately I’d say I’m a shell of who I am. But the good news is I’m coming back… to a screen near you!

I have to give a huge thank you to my sister who has helped me keep it together lately, reminding me to take this life one day at a time, reminding me I’m not alone, and to always, always keep God first. There are more times I’m willing to count that I might forget something as simple as praying. And yeah, this is the guy who had been posting Bible scriptures for a few months just about everyday.

Truth is, I don’t know if I was posting those scriptures for me or how I wanted others to perceive me. Eventually I stopped posting things altogether, at least on Facebook. I fell into that dangerous area where I was comparing my life to others based on images or statuses I’d see and felt inadequate compared to them. Not wise or healthy, I know, and normally I don’t do that… but it happens. I figured a hiatus would do me good and help me to refocus.

Even when people remind me of my past accomplishments, unless it’s recent, it doesn’t mean too much to me unless I’m actively accomplishing something else. Excuse my weird analogy, but it’s like Dexter (from the hit Showtime serial killer show of the same name) and his need to kill. That’s how I feel about creating something. If I’m not actively trying to do something constructive, I get restless and sometimes depressed. Once a project is complete, I can rest easy for a while since that hunger has been satisfied.

I want to devour 2013.

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