A rendering of what St. Valentine looked like. What he is doing here is another story.
I can’t recall the exact events of last years Valentine celebrations, or the years before that, or even the year before that. I can recall a couple times I actually did enjoy myself, but those have since been days long past.
Rather than wallow in depression about another Valentine’s Day being single, I decided to do some research on how this day came to be and who the stank was Saint Valentine anyway?
I’d also like to make it known that in any other circumstance; I’m usually a romantic at heart. It’s just that when society makes you feel like you need to be in some kind of an intimate relationship with someone, it may produce the opposite effect of what’s intended. Hence my closeted cynicism.
But back to the history of it all, it turns out that there really wasn’t just one Saint Valentine that this holiday was named after. And from the research I did find, there is nothing about love or romance mentioned either. In fact, my guess is that they were far from trying to woo anyone, unless you mean “woo” as in “convert”. If that’s what you mean, then yes, there was a lot of wooing from these guys and the Roman Empire did not approve of it and had these Christians killed. Thus is the very essence of romance. Is it not?
There is a popular story that I heard many times that I found to actually be false about one said martyr. I shall turn to Wikipedia for this story:
The Early Medieval acta of either Saint Valentine were expounded briefly in Legenda Aurea. According to that version, St Valentine was persecuted as a Christian and interrogated by Roman Emperor Claudius II in person. Claudius was impressed by Valentine and had a discussion with him, attempting to get him to convert to Roman paganism in order to save his life. Valentine refused and tried to convert Claudius to Christianity instead. Because of this, he was executed. Before his execution, he is reported to have performed a miracle by healing the blind daughter of his jailer.
Legenda Aurea still providing no connections whatsoever with sentimental love, appropriate lore has been embroidered in modern times to portray Valentine as a priest who refused an unattested law attributed to Roman Emperor Claudius II, allegedly ordering that young men remain single. The Emperor supposedly did this to grow his army, believing that married men did not make for good soldiers. The priest Valentine, however, secretly performed marriage ceremonies for young men. When Claudius found out about this, he had Valentine arrested and thrown in jail. In an embellishment to The Golden Legend provided by American Greetings, Inc. to History.com and widely repeated, on the evening before Valentine was to be executed, he wrote the first “valentine” himself, addressed to a young girl variously identified as his beloved, as the jailer’s daughter whom he had befriended and healed, or both. It was a note that read “From your Valentine.”
Later on in history, feasts were held for these martyrs. Actually, even before this time feasts were held for different reasons entirely (some of them pagan) which eventually got Christianized, similarly like Christmas. It wasn’t too soon after that when people started give it a romantic twist and the greeting cards began popping up. Having read that, I would go as far as to say that Valentine’s cards have Christmas cards by a few hundred years… yet Christmas cards still get Hallmark more money. Go figure.
Again, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think it’s all bad to have a holiday celebrating love. If you think about it, Thanksgiving and Christmas kinda do the same thing. Thanksgiving is the love of family… and food. Christmas is the love of everyone, birth of Jesus, presents… and food. Then Valentine’s is the love of your significant other, possibly some sex …but after chocolates and food.
Click to see more eCards like this.
But at the same time, I don’t think it’s really necessary to have a love-themed holiday. Those who are in relationships should celebrate their love daily. Special occasions would include anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas and just because days. But since V-Day is around, go ahead and give in to what it’s all about. I’m aware of many other couples who have no extra plans, reservations or feelings towards February 14th and treat it like the 13th or 15th. Power to them!
To be continued tomorrow…
ladies came in to whisk me away to another room with a scale and a lone chair that reminded me of lethal injections… but the condemned lie down to get those. This room was a bit more spacious but still had boring pictures on the wall. I think it was supposed to be a fence, or fence posts in a fog on a field by a beach or something. I wondered if this was supposed to be soothing while people got their shots or lose copious amounts of blood. I normally don’t have a problem with needles, but these women kept up on the anticipation like the day after a good TV show has a season finale or the last hour of work before a long weekend.
I learned how to brace myself with the initial stabbing. It’s not so bad because it only lasts less than a second. I usually think of marshmallows thanks to yet another previous needle experience when everything reminded me of sharp pointy objects until a doctor said, “How about Marshmallows?” “Marshmallows?” I repeated. Stab. Anyway, I never had blood drawn before. I didn’t know how that would feel. What I also didn’t know was how many vials of my blood they were going to take. For what they needed, they filled up about three tubes. After looking at them, I wondered… don’t I need that? And do you really need that much and that many tubes? But whatever, it’s gone now. They have done their damage. I can go home. And I was released.
can cause stones too, and I thought “That was it! I had spinach that fateful night! Granted, it was only a teaspoon because I generally don’t care for the stuff, but that’s what might’ve triggered the event. The dooming straw that broke my kidney’s camel’s back!” Everyone shunned me for that revelation and we collectively agreed it was probably due to all the dairy I consume and lack of hydration.
Due to having to wait a week or longer, when death seemed like it would arrive before scheduled medical help, I decided to take a chance with a walk-in clinic. I had only been to one once before a couple years prior during a similar incident. However, I didn’t stay because once I saw how many people were in line waiting for who knows what, I left. Fortunately, that brief episode left shortly after too and I was never concerned about it.
that go on. The nurse came in first. Being as tense as I was, I told my life story. She was a cute nurse too, but in these urgent matters, there was no time for flirting and joking. Besides, I could be dying, why would she want to talk to me? Even if I wasn’t, what’s so attractive about a dude who is bleeding where he shouldn’t? This is not the ideal male to mate with. The other thing I was concerned about was disrobing. I had clean underwear on and everything… but if anything, I hoped they would close the blinds to the window I had been staring out of, watching other people walking in and out of the rain that may or may not have looked at me looking at them. We were on the 1st floor! But I was safe, there would be no disrobing. Not in that room anyway. She took my vitals and then asked me to pee in a cup in the bathroom. Easy enough. So far.
What I went through for about a month was the passing of a kidney stone(s). “The worst pain known to man,” as they say. “They” usually refers to women. When brought up around other men, they just cringe. Tiny (or not so tiny) sharp calcium rocks that have only one exit and makes peeing as much fun as removing metal shrapnel from you toes while running through a cactus field being chased by angry bees. I don’t know exactly what that feels like, but I’m sure it can’t feel too good nor is it very much fun. Well neither is peeing pointy rocks. But fortunately for me, like I said, it wasn’t a severe case.
During this time of removal, I had been first taking a Gas-X type medicine before moving to Pepto Bismol. I am not a fan of the pink stuff. I’d rather tolerate the chewables than stomach that nasty pasty pink liquefied chalk. They say it is bubble gum flavor. They lie. I haven’t tried the cherry. Not interested. Anyway, I was unaware of one of the side effects when I woke up one morning to discover a blackened tongue. Granted, even if I was aware of this side effect, I still would’ve freaked out. My possible first thought was, “am I dying?” Or perhaps it wasn’t even a question… I’ve seen a lot of movies in my day, and discovering that the inside of your mouth is much, much darker than when you last saw it the night before meant that something bad was happening. Like a concentrated evil that was taking over your body or trying to kill you, making you fall apart or breaking you down to nothing. That’s what happened in the movies. Anyone who had manifested dark matter in them practically meant certain doom was to rain upon them before the movie ended… and they might not make it to the credits. So I proceeded to brush my teeth, I don’t know, twelve times that day? Focusing on my tongue, and then finally looking back to that Pepto to see what that had to say about my current ailment. (Darkening of the tongue is a side effect, so is darken of the stool… which is just as scary.)
So it had been about two days and I know that if you have a problem that requires the pink stuff, you need to drink plenty of fluids so you don’t get dehydrated. So hydrate I did. Unfortunately I hydrated so much one night—a night I had to be in class for about three hours—that I seriously could not wait to return home to relieve myself. I’m so glad the cops didn’t catch me that night speeding home. Getting pulled over is scary enough, but getting pulled over and wetting your pants at the same time?
I was a bit ignorant as to who exactly Selena Gomez is. If it wasn’t for the crush of Kitten’s little brother, it would just be another name that would require the use of Google or Wikipedia to gather more information as to who she is and why she is relevant. I won’t give you her full 15 year or so bio, but all you need to know is that she is yet another product from the Disney Channel factory, next to Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. You know how they manufacture these stars: TV, movies and albums. In a way, Disney is breeding old fashioned movie stars reminiscent of the 50’s and 60’s. You know, back when entertainers lived up to every sense of the word: acting, singing and dancing.
the indoob! network 