Surely you’ve seen the commercials. Or at the very least, seen pictures either on social media or elsewhere. This year, Burger King decided to freak out patrons by introducing the Halloween Whopper with it’s creepy midnight black bun.
This actually isn’t the first I’ve seen something like this, as the Japanese are always a level crazier than we are, but it is the first time it’s been readily available in our country. Go ‘merica! So, as the somewhat adventurous foodie that I aspire to be, I took the liberty in trying it so you don’t have to. And the “you” I’m addressing is probably 98% of you reading this. I will give you a disclaimer here, that I’ll wait to get creatively graphic at the end results. Because it wouldn’t be a proper review if I didn’t tell you about the whole experience.
Sunday afternoon, I see the Halloween Whopper splashed all over Twitter with humorous musings as to what it looks like and why on Earth would anyone want to eat it. Myself included. There’s nothing appealing about it. But that’s the gimmick. It’s supposed to be off-putting because it’s Halloween. Hopefully you read that aloud in your head like a ghost. I shrugged and wonder “What’s the worst that can happen?” (Normally, there’d be a cut-to “something terrible happening” scene, but in my case, a flashback to 36 hours earlier would give good reason why I shouldn’t be experimenting with new “exotic” foods.)
So I’m in Burger King, and I curiously browse the menu, as if I didn’t know what I was there for. I pretend to order the special Whopper on whim, but with “none of the crazy nonsense of onions and pickles” I add. Because really, who needs onions? Seriously. Plus they do horrible things to my stomach unlike black painted bread. Also, eating way too much salmon might not be too good for you either. I learned that early on Saturday morning, the day before. (When it comes to food and “the last piece”, I’m weak.) So this Whopper would be the first thing in my stomach that day.
The big thing about the Halloween Whopper is not only are the bun unsettingly black, but they are (barely) flavored with A1 steak sauce. In actuality, they could have made these burgers any color they liked, but they’re going for shock and awe. “Oooo… A black burger! The kids will love that!” a BK exec probably said. So the buns are supposed to be infused with steak saucy flavor, but it barely is. You taste more of the actual steak sauce it’s served with than the charred up looking buns your nomming on anyway. So it’s really just all visuals. And being honest, it tastes better than it looks. Not necessarily a recommendation, but take it as you’d like. Do you want a less scary Halloween Whopper? Order a regular one with steak sauce. To add some blackness, eat it in the dark. You’ll never know the difference. Until…
Yes! Probably what some of you are waiting for or have already read/heard about from others. I am here to confirm and attest that the Halloween Whopper will indeed turn your poop green. I also shared with a friend, whether they wanted to see or not, so they too can verify. Now while I am not one to shy away from discussing fecal matters, I do like to keep my online presence classy, so this isn’t a topic I will dump into often. I will also give full disclosure in saying this isn’t the first time I’ve had odd colors staring back at me from the bowl. Without getting into too many details: orange if you eat nothing but cheese curls, blue if your sugar cookies have too much food coloring. Moving on.
I’ll probably need to call up my buddy Neil deGrasse Tyson to discuss why this phenomenon happens (I know, he’s an astrophysicist, not a biologist… or whoever studies what super dyed bread does to humans), but my educated guess is that it takes a lot of food coloring to achieve black dough. Probably an unhealthy amount, so I wouldn’t recommend eating more than one. Plus, fast food. Hooray for chemicals!
Like I told my friends who are still questioning my judgments and motives in life, I have no regrets. I was curious and wanted to answer a question I know some of them had but wanted no parts in answering for themselves. I took one for the team. And what did I get out of it? Satisfaction.
And green poop.
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