My last post I talked about a garden hose in a spiritual context, and how the water that flows from it is God’s blessings and my worrying is the equivalent to squeezing that very hose, hence stopping the flow. It’s only natural for us to worry about things whether they are in our control or not. Ultimately, it’s easier said than done not to worry. Real life problems and situations like to make themselves known in big bold colors and noises and (speaking for myself) God’s gentle voice gets lost in the excitement.
For a while, I felt I was doing fine trusting God with any and all things that came my way. I was reading the Bible on a more regular basis than a few months ago, I prayed constantly and consistently. A lot of what was preached I was retaining and applying to my life (and many sermons seemed to be directed at me anyway). Following my favorite verse (Matthew 6:33) was truly proving itself to be true. Things I had been praying for were coming to pass… or at the very least, were in sight.
I liken myself to Peter, getting out of the boat to walk on water to meet Jesus. I stepped out on faith, and was doing fine crossing the treacherous waters with ease–as long as I kept my eyes on Him. But then my self-diagnosed A.D.D. kicked in, mixed with a dollop of doubt, and sprinkled with delusions of a debt-free future and next thing I know, I’m flailing and floundering trying to keep my head above water. (And BTW, I do believe in being debt-free.)
It wasn’t a good time. I saw friends and family getting jobs, getting married, having babies (not that I want sticky grubby handed kids right now) and, via Facebook updates and photos, having a highly successful life. Or at least a life that seemed better than mine. Meanwhile, people tell me how talented I am when I’m busy doing so many volunteer jobs and I begin to loudly question God “Why not me? What about me?” Even if I’m questioning silently, a lot of those same people complimenting me have encouraged me and remind me… “in due time.”
My sister helped me pinpoint what went wrong this past week by asking me a simple question “What changed?”
After much thought, I realized it was because I took my eyes off of God. That’s why I started sinking. I wasn’t reading and praying with purpose like I was before. I wasn’t putting God first. And if it’s one thing wee Sterling heard over and over, it’s that God is jealous.
Rather than wallow in self-pity, I took initiative and got back into my old good habits. Such a habit included my limited access to Facebook (in other words, I’ll be interacting less with the popular, addicting and time consuming social network). I’m starting a workout regimen, which will boost my self esteem. I’m working on blogging more, as you can see. And most importantly, I’m restoring and strengthening my faith through scriptures, prayer and mediation.
These are things I should have been doing and should always be doing. But as we all know and experience: life happens. And when life happens, routines tend to be changed or broken. It’s cool, I can adapt. As long as I keep my focus and trust in God, I’ll be fine.