the little bolivian boy


Perhaps some of you have heard me mention the Little Bolivian Boy once before. Yes, he has a name, as I’m sure all little Bolivian boys do. Both big and small. But I fear that naming him will get me in trouble with the international DCF police, so I won’t risk it. Or maybe CCF will cut off my letters and 10 years later a whole dramatic scene will play out with me and LBB will meet face to face and he’ll be all…

“You never wrote me!”

And I’ll be all, “I did, my little Bolivian Boy. And my, you have grown…”

“Lies!”

“But I did! You didn’t get my letters?”

“What letters?!”

“The ones I wrote every month to you. I admit, times got a little difficult when I ran out of stamps and I kept forgetting to pick them up. Then Old Lady Harris kept asking me to bring in her groceries… but that’s not an excuse, nor is it the point. The point is I sent them because stamps aren’t cheap, son.”

“You aren’t my dad! Don’t call me son! And I didn’t get anything from you! I don’t know who you are… you aren’t even my sponsor! I dis-sponsor you!”

[Gasp] “No! Little Bolivian Boy! I sponsor love you! I swear to your little Bolivian heart that what I speak is true!”

[Turns away] “Get out. Leave this place! And never return. I forbid it.”

“But I’m your sponsor. I forbid your forbidding!”

“Just leave… or I’ll call the international DCF for sponsor abuse.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“They gave me their business card, and I’ll use it.”

“Ok… you win… I’ll go. But don’t forget, I’ll always send an extra check for your birthday.”

“Hello? International DCF Police O’Hannigan?”

“Okay, okay… I’m leaving. Farewell my Little Bolivian Boy.”

Okay… so maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, I just don’t wanna take my chances. And it’s probably not even that big of a deal. But I don’t really enjoy referring to him as my LBB. Nor do I think he would appreciate if I called him Squishy, and he will be my Squishy. No. I shall wait to see what he likes to be called. Or maybe in time we will come up with a nickname together.

In the meantime, would you like to know a little bit about him? He’s currently 7. He’s in school and enjoying studying grammar (which I think works for me, considering I’m a writer… I may need to hire an editor in a few years).

If you haven’t picked up on it, he’s from a Spanish speaking country called Bolivia. That’s partially why I chose him, because he’s from a Spanish speaking country. That gives me another reason to practice writing/reading it, even though CCF translate it for us. I was looking for a little Peruvian Boy… but sadly, I didn’t see any. Why Peru? I know a Peruvian girl who also lacks a nickname and made an empty promise to take me with her to Peru someday. Okay, I lied… no promises were made. Only implied. I implied she was going to take me. I guess I’ll have to find my own means to travel to South America.

Anyway, I’ve always wanted to sponsor a child. I felt financially stable enough to handle a $20-30 monthly contribution. There are much worse things I could be throwing my money away on. Non-rechargeable batteries, bringing dinosaurs back to life, ant trainers, shopping at Macy’s. At least this way, my money is going to somewhere, to someone, who needs it.

My other mission for LBB is to get a picture of him that he is smiling. I’d show a picture, but again, I fear this would violate exploitation laws or something. I guess it’d be different if it were a picture of him and I together or something. That is, as long as he still gets my letters after I blog about him. Don’t worry my little Bolivian Boy, I won’t forget you!

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